covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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