the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
