3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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