Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
