every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
