1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm too high and old for this...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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