pop tarts are not kleenex
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
