I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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