I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
