I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
