I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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