You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
