dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
