sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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