I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
