How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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