Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
