you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
