Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
