YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
NoShamevember. You game?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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