Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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