Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He did a backflip because drugs
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
