Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
