In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
