Define "chronic" masturbator.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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