it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
