I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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