I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
