I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
