Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
