peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
