you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
