Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
