the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
