I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
