So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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