Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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