Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
