i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
