why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this boner is exhausting
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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