ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
