the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
