pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
