My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
