no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
