Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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