Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
