how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
