I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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