He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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